The Billy Joel Clause

I love Billy Joel. Anyone who knows me, knows this. Not in a “I’m a big fan of his music” kind of way, either. In a head-over-heels, meant to be, soul mate kind of love. For reals.

Anyone entering into any type of relationship with me must first understand and agree to The Billy Joel Clause. To be fair, these people with whom I have relations know this up front. This isn’t a two months in conversation, this is a first date, “hi, nice to meet you” conversation.

The Billy Joel Clause states very clearly that no matter the state of our relationship, be it friend or husband (as those are the only two relationship levels), I, given the opportunity, can and will leave you for Billy Joel.

This is not a celebrity freebie list. This is not, I get to sleep with Billy Joel without repercussions in our relationship. This is if/when Billy Joel finally realizes that we are meant to be, I will be with him, and no longer with you. End of story.

My fate is with Billy. My future is Billy.

Ben knows this. Has known this from day one. Don’t feel bad.

That being said, this weekend I will be with my Billy. I know I’ve said this before. I’ve prepared for this day every opportunity I’ve had to see my Billy live. Hoping that Billy would see me way back in the nose bleed seats and leave his disgusting wife and be with me. But Billy isn’t as young as he once was and his eyes aren’t as good so you know. Whatever. This time is different. I swear.

Tomorrow night I will be attending the premiere screening of the “Last Play at Shea” documentary at Citi Field. Hosted by my Billy. I was at the Last Play at Shea. Although my seats were so far away from Billy at that show that saying I was “there” is a stretch. This time I am pretty much front row and center. Plus Billy’s not performing so he won’t be distracted. And he’s no longer married, so plus there. And he’s been divorced long enough that he’s past rebound time. He’s ready to be serious again. He’s ready for me.

Sorry Ben. After tomorrow I’ll have a new friend.

And this is what I plan to wear to woo him from afar. The key item is a vintage 1982 Billy Joel Nylon Curtain tour t-shirt that my awesome friend Jenn found at Goodwill for me and gave to me for my birthday a few years ago. Normally I’m down with the “don’t be the guy wearing the t-shirt of the band you’re seeing” rule, but this is different. Plus it’ll be a good ice breaker for Billy and me – not that we’ll need one – until he asks if I was at said 1982 show and I’ll have to explain that I couldn’t make it because I was about 4 months old at the time. Umm…awkward.

And here’s what I would pair it with, or more likely what I will pair it with in the future when I am Billy’s girl, cuz Billy’s girl gets whatever Billy’s girl wants:

Foxy Mama Glasses $30
Vintage Bird Print Scarf $28
Asymmetric Leather Jacket $2,480
Hillman Oxford $305
Fool’s Gold Knucklebuster $99
Vintage Boy Shorts $60

The rest of weekends plans include thrift store shopping, family visiting, peach festival’ing, and crafty crafting. But mostly, Billy!

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