The truth about giraffes…

Look, I get it. I know they seem kinda cute in an awkward sort of way. All tall and lanky and spotted. But don’t be fooled. Giraffes are evil.

giraffe

It's like playing peek-a-boo with the devil.

Sure they look all innocent and cute. Regal even. But let me tell you about my giraffe experience.

Evil photobombing giraffe!

Spending the day at the National Zoo. Hanging out with the lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my, look – it’s a whole little giraffe family – mommy, daddy and baby giraffe. Adorable!

Oh wait, what is mommy giraffe doing? Oh, she’s just taking a piss. Can’t fault her for that. Totally normal bodily function. Oh, but where’s the little baby giraffe going? Why is she going back there? What is she doing with her evil thick black tongue? She can’t be! But she is! She’s drinking the mother’s piss as she’s pissing. Yup, that just happened. Mentally scarred for life.

I'd be worried where that tongue has been if I were you, little squirrel.

So what I’m basically saying is that this Giraffe Manor in Nairobi which “offers you an unparalleled experience of the giraffes, with them vying for your attention at the breakfast table, the front door and even your bedroom window” is my worst nightmare…and it should be yours, too.

Images: Peek-a-boo via Harley James flickr. Photobomb via Max Wanger. Giraffe licking squirrel via Daily Chocolate Milk.

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